unmotivated

Lately I haven’t been feeling myself. Just feel like there’s no progress in life in general. It’s like a standstill and a period of waiting and hoping that something good will happen. And sometimes it can be quite challenging and frustrating.

I’ve been clinging on to this verse a lot when I feel this way, and I know that there’s hope.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11 

 

Sorry that this post is vague.

Advertisements

23 and me

IMG_20180210_112357

I’ve been contemplating for awhile about doing this ancestry DNA, but I finally agreed to let my husband get it for me for valentine (We don’t do valentine but I just need to make it sound special). I’m always curious about my family history. Growing up my parents would tell us that we have a mixed Chinese and Cambodian background. I’m not surprised because I’ve got mistaken for Chinese and Vietnamese a lot.

However,  I’m more intrigued about my Cambodian side where they actually began, how they came about and what they comprised, are they from South Asian (Indian) integrated with Chinese and became what we known as Cambodian? I don’t know but we’ll find out in 6-8 weeks.

PS. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m neither of what I mentioned above and actually something else.

my good husband (thankful Thursday)

*He wakes up early in the morning with me on the day that I work, warms up my car, packs my lunch, grabs my work bag and shoes together, prays with me and kisses me goodbye for the day.

*He cooks dinner and cleans up when I’m tired.

*He fills up my gas tank every week so that I’ll have a full tank driving to work.

*He makes sure that I eat healthy and exercise.

*He makes homemade coffee rather than buying coffee labeled with partially genetic engineering.

*He makes sure that I carry some cash with me in case of an emergency.

*He cleans the bathroom so that I don’t have to do it.

*He plants food in our garden so that we can eat healthy.

*He takes me fishing.

*He encourages me to pray and read the bible.

*He makes sure I take my meds every morning.

*He fixes my car, cleans the headlights, gets oil change, fixes the windshield wipers, etc.

*He always tells/texts me that he loves me.

*He stands by me when I’m ill and takes care of me until I’m well again.

*He eats whatever food that I cook even the ones that are so bad and to him everything is good.

*He tries to learn my native language so that he can communicate with my parents and the elders at church.

*He takes off his shoes inside the house and bow to the elders.

*He tells me that I’m pretty all the time, although I think it’s a husband thing to say to a wife.

*He listens to me when I have concerns/problems.

*He cares about my wellbeing and only allows me to work three days a week.

*He gives me hugs and kisses when I come home from work. (sometimes i feel like a small child, because he has to kneel down in order to hug and kiss me)

*He’s patient, kind, humble, and very generous.

Thank you for being a good husband, Jason ❤

 

 

 

 

 

happy new year 2018

Happy New Year! Since I’m off work today, I decided to update my blog. The start of the new year has been good so far, my nephrologist took me off prednisone! I’m so glad, I had been on it for  5 years! My nephrologist says that I’m completely in full remission and doesn’t think that I’m going to relapse. And at the end of February, he wants me to do an urinalysis to see if I leak protein since being taken off the prednisone. I still continually monitor my blood pressure, any edema, and observe my urine for any signs of kidney failure.

The only meds that I’m mainly taking is imuran and the rest are vitamins and supplements. I dislike taking meds but maybe someday I can come off the imuran too, let’s just hope.

We’re still trying to get pregnant, but Jason’s count is super low as of now. He’s taking supplements and vitamins to try to boost it up. After the RV last year, we did see swimmers, and it increased every month and we were hopeful. Then Jason took a hot bath and we scoped again, and saw nothing but dead ones. We hoped it was just the hot bath that caused the plummet, and not the scar tissue. A few days later we scoped again and saw a couple of it moving. We’re hoping that next month we’ll see more and Jason may go and get professionally look at. As for me, once his end is resolved and we don’t get pregnant by next year, then I’ll have myself check. But we got to get these swimmers out and rolling.

I told Jason that if pregnancy doesn’t happen for us that I’d still be happy and love him. Sometimes I did wish that he didn’t do what he did and consulted someone first, but if we didn’t let the past happen, we wouldn’t have met each other.

Anyway,

this new year,

Jason and I are still continue reading the gospels

Hope to get pregnant if that’s God’s will

Plan for more fishing trips and explore more lakes

Be more adventurous

Get more involved in church

Continue to plan fishing ministry and get more people together

Listen to God

 

 

 

it’s not about us, it’s about Him

Last week I went to get a physical and blood work done and everything was normal. My creatinine level was 0.68, the range is 0.57-1.00 mg/dL. Five years ago, I was dx with an autoimmune disease that attacked my kidneys. I was at a 4.0 when I was hospitalized and my doctor said that I may need a kidney transplant or dialysis if I’m not responding to tx. Looking back I can see God’s work in all of this. If you see me now, you wouldn’t know what I had gone through because I look normal and healthy. I try to use my personal difficulty to encourage those who are going through the difficult time and know that there is a God, and if there seems no way out, let Him in.

I can’t believe we’re in December, it seems like Thanksgiving was just last week. Speaking of Thanksgiving, I had a great time with family and friends. I took some friends fishing on Thanksgiving weekend. One guy has been attending our church regularly and I don’t think he’s a believer yet. He brings his daughter to play with the kids at church. He’d just moved here from Cali and never fished before. My good husband did a good job teaching him how to fish and making sure everyone had fun. We had talked before about starting a fishing ministry within our church group and expanding it from there. And this was a good start, I’m glad this guy and another friend went with us and had fun.

I’m half way done with buying Christmas gifts for family members. To be honest, I hate shopping, but it’s once a year that everyone will get presents and on their birthday. I try not to get into the idea that Christmas is about buying new toys, christmas tree, santa clause or reindeer, but to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas–Jesus’ birth. God sent his son so that we may have eternal life. We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and Jesus Christ was born to save us from sins. This is the real meaning of Christmas, it’s so profound and important, and I hope that we continue to go into the month of December with this reflection.

 

this thanksgiving i’m thankful for

I can’t believe Thanksgiving is around the corner! This year has gone by too fast! I’m surprised that I’m still scheduled during this time, last year I was complaining of not getting any work hours at all. I really do enjoy being a PRN nurse and I think any nursing jobs down the road, I’ll position for PRN.

I remember years ago before I met my husband, I had a career driven mindset, full of energy and ambition. After my completion of nursing school with a BSN, I had hoped to work a year or two as a nurse and then go back to school for my master or apply to PA school. I had dreams of traveling, helping people and becoming a missionary nurse in third world countries. But my dreams were not God’s will for me. I worked myself too hard that I forgot to take care of myself and enjoy life. I ended up getting sick and was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. My life tumbled down fast. I was confused and angry at God. I felt like I had my life going full speed for me and suddenly a road blockage and everything crashed. I lost my job, health, health insurance etc. Medical bills were piling up. My family, friends and boyfriend who is now my husband were there to support me. When I was at my lowest I needed God the most and nothing else. I prayed and conversed with God daily through those difficult times. In my heart, I never felt so much peace and calmness than ever before. I looked around me and there were things that I would not have discovered to enjoy if I had focused on the things of my own desires. God surely had a different path and plan for me. He has humbled me, made me whole again, and restored my health. I would not have known that my husband was the one for me if it had not been for these difficult times. God works in mysterious ways that we cannot even fathom.

Even though this happened 5 years ago, I’m reminded to be thankful for life, my husband, family and friends. God has blessed me this far and I know there are even greater things He has in store for me. And even if life decides to take a turn again, I know that God is still with me.